Resetting

I’ve been absent for a while because, frankly, I’ve had a bit of a blockage when it comes to writing. Which might be understandable, since I’ve spent the last couple of months in ‘reset’ mode. Let me explain.

Last year I got into my own head a little too much and, as a result, my self-confidence took a beating. As can unfortunately happen when one’s self-belief is wavering, I then found myself in situations with several people which may not have been in my best interests. The period following my month-long bout of salmonella poisoning in late 2015, which ended up being extremely debilitating, left me feeling fragile and sensitive. Unfortunately, I was staying with family at the time – family which included teenagers, and we all know that most teenagers aren’t known for their sensitivity or emotional generosity at the best of times… And it just so happened that one of the teenagers was going through their ‘I Hate Everybody’ phase which, thanks to my lifelong inability to censor my thoughts when someone is pushing my buttons or treating me with disrespect, meant that Uncle Jeremy became enemy number one.

After a couple of months, living like that became utterly exhausting – there is no worse feeling than constant tension and negative energy in the home. So, having had quite enough, I began to search for a new home. For some reason, this coincided with my sister-in-law, who I was staying with, developing an attitude towards me as well (possibly because I wasn’t tolerating the nonsense from her son and didn’t hesitate to tell him off when he was being excessively rude). So that meant that the tension at home ramped up to 11.

Anyway, I’ve moved now and thankfully peace has returned to my world, mainly because I have chosen to ‘reset’ in a number of areas. First of all, I’ve raised my issues with my sister-in-law about how things went and, since we couldn’t see eye to eye, I’ve reset that relationship back to zero – in other words, I’ve called ‘time’ on it for now and we’ll see how things go in the future. It’s unfortunate, however I have too much self-respect to allow myself to be taken advantage of and treated in a disrespectful manner. I’ve also, unfortunately, terminated a friendship due to a lack of respect over these past few months – a so-called ‘friend’ chose to disrespect me by making a massive issue out of how my being ill had affected her, rather than understanding and accepting that I had no control over just how sick I was. To me, that’s demonstrative of a total lack of respect and so that’s not a relationship that I need in my life.

Here’s the thing. I’m talking about ‘resetting’ in a positive and cathartic way, however we all know that ending any kind of relationship hurts. If it doesn’t, then it didn’t mean anything to you in the first place. And yet, it must be done. When you’re younger, it’s easier to have relationships with anyone who even remotely shares a common interest, yet as you mature things change. It’s just part of life.

There’s one of those inspirational memes floating around social media which says that if you’re not losing people from your life, you’re not growing. And it’s true. Because it’s absolutely okay to let go of anything which is not healthy; anything which harms your growth or which holds you back from being your true self. And if others harm you, physically or emotionally, you don’t need to tolerate that – wish them well on their journey and take a path away from them. You’ll thank yourself for it later.

Jeremy
PS: My book, Depression? F*** Depression!, is free on Apple’s iBooks. If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental illness, this book offers practical steps you can take to manage it effectively. Get it now at http://apple.co/1N2U0vB (also available to purchase as an eBook on Amazon Kindle or in print from Amazon or Book Depository – just search ‘Jeremy Godwin’).

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