It’s been a while since I updated this page. A very, very LONG while. I realise that. And for those who were reading my ‘Your Best You’ blog on a regular basis, I apologise. Let me explain…
Around the time of my last post, I had a crisis of confidence which resulted in a mini-relapse into depression. Here I was, fulfilling a dream of mine, writing articles about mind, body and spirit and building an amazing new self-help portal, when I was overcome with crippling self-doubt. And when I say self-doubt, I mean super-cooper-Rolls-Royce-deluxe-level-self-doubt.
It started when I went to write a ‘body’ focused article. My battle with depression for the last few years has seen me use food for comfort and as a result I put on more than 30 kilograms (over 66 pounds) in a matter of months – weight which I am yet to shift, even though I’m recovering from the worst of depression.
The old voices of doubt began to creep in.
‘How can you write about mind, body and spirit when you don’t have your own stuff together?’
‘You’re too fat to write about that, don’t be ridiculous.’
‘Nobody’s going to take you seriously!’
Suddenly I found myself unable to even approach my blog, or the book that I was in the process of writing about how to manage living with depression. Instead, I found myself beginning to feel the way that I did in the early days of my depression and anxiety back in late 2011/early 2012 – full of fear and self-doubt (although, thankfully, I didn’t feel severely depressed like I did back then – hooray for antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications!).
Initially, I wasn’t going to tell anyone about my mini-meltdown. I was so proud of how far I had come, so at first I felt shameful about how insecure and terrified I was about putting myself out there if I wasn’t ‘perfect’.
Now, I don’t give a shit. I am not perfect. I have spent months dealing with my (latest) fears and frankly they bore me. The worst thing that can happen is that someone tells me they disagree with me or they think I’m an idiot. Fine. Each to their own. Honestly, I could care less. Other people’s opinions are their issues, not mine.
I’ve found a new confidence by going through this ‘wobble’ and it has lit a fire beneath me. I’m finalising my new book about living with depression, which is going to be called ‘Fuck Depression!’
And that’s my attitude when it comes to self-doubt and self-sabotage (which is, let’s be honest, what I was doing). Fuck it. All we have is today and I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste it.
Which brings me to this website. I’m going to be moving all content over to www.jeremygodwin.net, including my blog, so please come and follow me at www.jeremygodwin.net where you can read my blog and find out about my new projects (including the release details for my book, ‘Fuck Depression!’, in a few months’ time!).
Thank you for reading my blogs and I hope you’ll continue with me on at my new site.